Living Life Loved

This is the first fall in 14 years that I haven't started another semester of school. And, related or not, this is also the first fall I've really enjoyed the season.

It wasn't too long ago that I saw the first touches of gold on the trees and thought to myself "Wow, it seems early for the leaves to be turning!" Before I knew it, though, one tree had ignited another until the gold, red, and orange flickering flames raged up and down the hills of Northwest PA. Becca and I stopped at Meadville's beautiful graveyard the other day to drive around and take in the glory. Eventually, the fallen leaves along the road called to me until I just had to ask Becca to pull over so we could scuff through them. Right now I'm looking through my front window as the sun streams in past me. I can see a tree - half bare and half ablaze with brilliant yellow leaves. Behind it, a gorgeous blue sky littered with a few fluffy white clouds.

My question to myself and to my readers is this: are we recognizing the beauty around us for what it is? Or are we taking it for granted? Autumn will come every year as it always has. The leaves will change color and fall in our yards; clouds will float lazily through the sky. Will we choose to take time and recognize it for the gift from God that it is?

Please, live your life looking for the glory of God. He's really in every mundane detail.

"We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade, the presence of God. The world is crowded with God. God walks everywhere incognito. And the incognito is not always hard to penetrate. The real labour is to remember, to attend. In fact, to come awake. Still more, to remain awake." -C.S. Lewis

Bread Dough, Bowls, and Blood Sugar

I like to think I'm invincible. True, my struggle to find a job set me back on my self-confidence for a while, but now that I'm working, it's been better. I also recently started baking and cooking again after a 2 year hiatus (being at FB wasn't conducive to working in the kitchen). And I've been loving it! I'm good at it and I like sampling my creations and having other people say they're good. Two silent pats on the back for me!

But it's humbling when you call your mom about 4 times during the course of the afternoon because you've never made bread before and how do you do it? And is it supposed to be this sticky? And how much are you supposed to knead it? And why isn't it rising? Finally, I had something that resembled bread dough in texture, color, smell, and taste. I set about cleaning up the huge mess I'd made (for some reason, baking is a full body experience for me. If a recipe has flour or brown sugar, you can pretty much count on finding it everywhere, including, but not limited too, the counter, the floor, the cupboards, my dress, my face, my hair, and my toes).

Now, unbeknownst to me, my blood sugar level had been silently dropping during this entire process, leaving me as it usually does - light-headed, slightly nauseous, weak, and shaky. I realized it while I was washing dishes, but figured I could wait to eat some protein and sit down in a minute or two when I had finished the chore. However, on one of the last dishes, a large mixing bowl belonging to Rebecca, this low blood sugar contributed to me losing my grip on the bowl and smashing it into about 5 pieces in the sink. I stared in shock for a moment and then noticed the blood oozing from my fingers. I grabbed a paper towel and tried to staunch the bleeding and made it to our first aid kit. I fumbled around until I found the BandAids, trying not to get blood on too many other "sterile" items. I checked the cuts. Not too deep, thank God. Wouldn't want to drive to the ER in my condition. I picked up the glass and took it out to the garbage can in a paper bag, and had one moment of detached panic in which I thought I might faint. Held really still, clutching the porch railing. Buzzing stopped, vision cleared, didn't fall down the stairs.

I have questions. I drop things. I bleed. My fingers are held together with BandAids. I don't know yet if the bread will survive my fumbling attempts.

I am not invincible. Too bad. It might have been nice.

Wouldn't it be Loverly

Tonight I watched "My Fair Lady" (1964) for the first time in my life. I had listened to the soundtrack before and thoroughly enjoyed it, but seeing it was truly a fuller picture. I loved each song in turn and the story that brought the song to life.
And I have to wonder - what am I taking for granted because of my pride? Am I like Professor Higgins? He's utterly insufferable in his pride. He takes credit for all the work of polishing and presenting Eliza and he ends up losing her. "I've grown accustomed to her face. She almost makes the day begin...I was serenely independent and content before we met; surely I could be that way again. And yet - I've grown accustomed to her look; accustomed to her voice; accustomed to her face."
I've lost before and I live on. But pride worms its way back into my life. What am I about to lose? What am I about to realize I can't live without?

Watch the movie, by the way. You aren't likely to regret it!

To Wish Upon a Star

There's just something magical and utterly relaxing about lying out on a blanket watching the stars. Of course, it was made so much better by the Perseids meteor shower that is currently at its peak.

But that sounds so scientific. Shooting stars, people! Brilliant bursts of light streaking across a velvety, diamond-studded night sky. You lie there continually realizing just how small you are; just how potentially unimportant your hopes, prayers, and dreams could be to the Creator Who found it good to fashion this sight.

And you worship.

And then there's the hilarity that could only be produced by these two over-tired Mennonite girls with the same name. Trying to find a place away from lights, trees, and noise to watch. Choosing a seemingly abandoned spot by the road, then realizing lying on the ground behind your car, mere feet from the edge of the road probably isn't a good idea (as evidenced by the panicked whisper aimed at the passing vehicle: "Please don't hit us, please don't hit us!") The completely simultanous gasped expression when a meteor is spotted: "Oh! Did you see that?" The car that seemed to have pulled into the entrance to the park where we were reclining, causing immediate jumping about and the frantic whisper: "Run!"

And we worship.

A cynical, sneering part of me murmured in my ear tonight: "It doesn't really do any good to wish on a falling star, you fool."

And the innocent, trusting part of me defiantly answered: "Yes, it does. It gives back the thrill of hope and expectancy that everyday life is so apt at wringing out of us. So there."

And we worship.

Will You Be There?

"In our darkest hour
in my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
and my tribulations
through our doubts
and frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
and my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart"
-Michael Jackson

How Then Shall We Live?

I have a confession to make.

I have ridiculed the passionless way people live.

I have focused on having an honest and happy life.

I have missed something.

I, myself, am lacking passion.

In my search for a passionate life, I have lost the vision for the passion I claimed to want. I promote a life that is laid back; that doesn't take too many things seriously, and has fun simply because life is good. But somewhere I lost the intensity of loving God and of bringing His kingdom to earth.

I've stopped feeling deeply and too often I just get by.

I've stopped bleeding for the wounded and too often I just shrug.

I've stopped laughing simply because I'm loved and too often I'm cynical.

I've stopped living my life abandoned to God and too often I'm trying to impress.

God, forgive me! Please renew a right spirit in me. Show me how I should live. Let me help be Your hands, feet, and voice to my new community, I beg you. Lead me to the people. Bring Your kingdom today and everyday.

Life is Mostly Edges

Let me start this post by saying that I love going shopping at Ollie's. Often times I've found a book off my "must-read/own" list for a fraction of the cost of buying it new. (You have no idea the excited noises/dances that happen when I find a book, followed quickly by the profound silence that comes when I am perusing a book and am instantly drawn in). I found Life is Mostly Edges by Calvin Miller at my local Ollie's earlier this summer, and I've just finished reading it. I highly recommend it. He has some profound things to say, and says them better than I could attempt to, so I will simply quote the last lines from the book. Enjoy!



"Like autumn leaves
My final triumph is set to swirl upward into the sky.
And the song will come on forever.
And I will take possession of the distant real estate
I've always owned.
And I will live among the far pavilions I have always loved,
Where the parent stars themselves were tracked
By wounded feet.
And there standing free in golden light
I'll shake an unfamiliar hand and find it wounded.
And there I'll be reminded
This life I lived was never mine."
excerpt from The Singer by Calvin Miller