Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Reflections and Goodbyes

I wish I could say that I can't believe 2 years are over already, but that would be untrue. This whole FB experience has been very long, and Fall 2008 seems like an extremely long time ago. In fact, I can hardly believe it has only been 2 years (not even a full 2 years, actually).
I showed up at FB, petrified and white knuckled, not knowing what in the world I was getting myself into, and simply positive I would never learn everyone's name, and that I would do my work and hide in my room, safe from everything unknown. Imagine how I felt when I realized what TAP intensives included! Boy, was I wrong about being safe! Part of the reason that this journey has felt so long is because of the intensity. Living in the same building with people, breathing the same air, doing the same homework, eating the same's intense. I've gotten to know these dear people better in 2 years than I did my "home" friends in 18. I do know everyone's name, and a bunch more about them (wanted and unwanted lol) that I never could have imagined. Intellectually, I have learned an indescribable amount, both in and out of classes, and have had my horizons/categories/worldview broadened, blown, and matured more than I thought possible.
Now, with graduation rapidly approaching, I'm facing the end of this 2 year journey. We will part ways; go to our separate communities and continue living. Our lives, at least for most of us, are done intersecting. We will begin (again) to have shaping life experiences that don't include each other. Our lives will grow apart. When and if we see each other again, we will be different people. How in the world can we have spent 2 years speaking into each other's lives and getting to know one another to just walk away now? In one of my very first journal entries in my first semester, I mentioned that these people felt like my family; that it felt like I'd finally come home. In some ways, this is still true, although I've been reconnected with my own biological family in miraculous ways since coming here. It's the hard things we've gone through together that will bring a group of people close. Together, our class has faced family members dying, impossible homework assignments, and most painfully, classmates leaving prematurely. The tears we sobbed and the questions to which we begged answers drew the group together in ways that laughter and ice cream outings never would have.
These ladies - my mentoring group first and for most, then my dorm, then the rest...they know a lot about me. They've heard my life story, my victories and failures, and my life plans and biggest hopes and dreams. And I, in return, have heard theirs. They've seen me joyful, and they've seen me grumpy. They've seen me when I first get up in the morning and don't want to talk to anyone. We've cried and laughed together more times than I can count. Our late night conversations will stay in our memories long after they end. Yes, we can email. It's not the same, but it's all we've got. So thanks, ladies, if you're reading this. You've kept me sane for the past two years!
These men - It's easy enough to tell the girls how much they mean to you, but it can be a bit awkward to try and tell the guys. In many, many ways, these men have become the brothers I never had. They have been infinitely patient with me as I learned what was okay and what was not in relating to them :P I have the utmost respect for them, and cannot even count how many times I've remarked to the other girls what good (and good-looking) ;) guys we have in our class. Seriously, guys, you're all truly amazing. I am proud of you; pleased to know you and claim you as friends.
With all endings come new beginnings...some of us will begin new jobs; some will return to old jobs. Others will even go on to get more training. Some will go to their home communities, and some will find new places to call home. So here we are, preparing to be scattered abroad, and we take a look back at what has been and pronounce it good. Then we look to the future, full of uncertainties, remember our God, and step boldly forward.


  1. I'm ecstatic you're one of the graduates moving to a new community! ;)

  2. Very well written, Bekah. Very well written. I am honored to say that I have enjoyed getting to know you. And if the rest of our class is as nosy about reading comments as I am, I will say for them that I count it a privilege to have gotten to know them, as well. :)