Light Trumps Darkness

"There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing -- light trumps darkness, every time. You stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light." -Jodi Picoult

My world has recently been expanded to include the famous story of Nate Saint, and his four companions who were slaughtered by the Waodani (also called Huaorani or Auca) people of Ecuador. And I was shocked by how dedicated they were…to go to the people who knew only killing and being killed; to be that totally given to a mission that they’d go through with it, no matter the personal cost; to not fight back or fire their guns when they saw the warriors charging with their spears.

They let go of their personal comforts that they could have had at home and moved to the untamed, foreign land of Ecuador.

They let go of their reservations in reaching an untamed, barbaric tribe and initiated contact.

They let go of their own natural instincts of safety and self-preservation and put themselves in a very dangerous place.

Somehow, without knowing the natives personally, they loved them enough to let go and reach out.

And as if that isn’t amazing enough, I was struck with another thought. My mind flashed to the wives of these five men. They loved their husbands to the point that they would share their mission. They would leave their extended families at home and struggle to take care of their immediate families in this unforgiving alien country. They hugged and kissed their men goodbye on that fateful morning, praying that this meeting with the natives would go as well as the previous, but still knowing that anything was possible. And, when days went by and their men didn’t return, they could only assume the worst. Somehow, by some divine assistance, those new widows found forgiveness in their hearts for their husbands’ killers, enough to go visit and even live among them.

They loved their husbands enough to let them leave on the ill-fated trip, loved the natives enough to forgive, and loved their God enough to get through the whole mess.

As it is so clearly evidenced, love is not safe. In a world obsessed with personal safety, this story could be more proof not to put yourself out there; an “I told you so” to every person warned of the danger of love. I see danger in elaborate home protection systems, and numerous insurance plans. I’m not talking about being dumb with our material things; keep honest people honest. But the extent to which we go, making sure that we can’t be touched, should be called into question. The same goes for heart matters – get to know the cashiers at your local grocery store, get involved in the community, give time and energy even when you don’t feel like it. Be yourself, even when you face the fear of rejection. Love wholeheartedly and unconditionally, even when you know it might never be returned. Our hearts, time, and money are not our own.

We know that Operation Auca and the missionaries’ sacrifices were not in vain. The killing of the men, followed by the forgiveness of the woman, allowed the Waodani people to accept God (or Waengongi) into their lives, and the revenge killings between tribes reduced by 90%. In the well-known words of Jim Elliot (one of the five men killed), “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”

What differences can I make if I open my heart to the people around me and leave my safety in the hands of God?

~~~I have only watched the movie “The End of the Spear”. If any of my readers own books pertaining to the Palm Beach massacre, or the missionaries’ lives before or after, I would love to borrow them.~~~

Will You Be There?

"In our darkest hour
in my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
and my tribulations
through our doubts
and frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
and my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart"
-Michael Jackson

Reflections and Goodbyes

I wish I could say that I can't believe 2 years are over already, but that would be untrue. This whole FB experience has been very long, and Fall 2008 seems like an extremely long time ago. In fact, I can hardly believe it has only been 2 years (not even a full 2 years, actually).
I showed up at FB, petrified and white knuckled, not knowing what in the world I was getting myself into, and simply positive I would never learn everyone's name, and that I would do my work and hide in my room, safe from everything unknown. Imagine how I felt when I realized what TAP intensives included! Boy, was I wrong about being safe! Part of the reason that this journey has felt so long is because of the intensity. Living in the same building with people, breathing the same air, doing the same homework, eating the same food...it's intense. I've gotten to know these dear people better in 2 years than I did my "home" friends in 18. I do know everyone's name, and a bunch more about them (wanted and unwanted lol) that I never could have imagined. Intellectually, I have learned an indescribable amount, both in and out of classes, and have had my horizons/categories/worldview broadened, blown, and matured more than I thought possible.
Now, with graduation rapidly approaching, I'm facing the end of this 2 year journey. We will part ways; go to our separate communities and continue living. Our lives, at least for most of us, are done intersecting. We will begin (again) to have shaping life experiences that don't include each other. Our lives will grow apart. When and if we see each other again, we will be different people. How in the world can we have spent 2 years speaking into each other's lives and getting to know one another to just walk away now? In one of my very first journal entries in my first semester, I mentioned that these people felt like my family; that it felt like I'd finally come home. In some ways, this is still true, although I've been reconnected with my own biological family in miraculous ways since coming here. It's the hard things we've gone through together that will bring a group of people close. Together, our class has faced family members dying, impossible homework assignments, and most painfully, classmates leaving prematurely. The tears we sobbed and the questions to which we begged answers drew the group together in ways that laughter and ice cream outings never would have.
These ladies - my mentoring group first and for most, then my dorm, then the rest...they know a lot about me. They've heard my life story, my victories and failures, and my life plans and biggest hopes and dreams. And I, in return, have heard theirs. They've seen me joyful, and they've seen me grumpy. They've seen me when I first get up in the morning and don't want to talk to anyone. We've cried and laughed together more times than I can count. Our late night conversations will stay in our memories long after they end. Yes, we can email. It's not the same, but it's all we've got. So thanks, ladies, if you're reading this. You've kept me sane for the past two years!
These men - It's easy enough to tell the girls how much they mean to you, but it can be a bit awkward to try and tell the guys. In many, many ways, these men have become the brothers I never had. They have been infinitely patient with me as I learned what was okay and what was not in relating to them :P I have the utmost respect for them, and cannot even count how many times I've remarked to the other girls what good (and good-looking) ;) guys we have in our class. Seriously, guys, you're all truly amazing. I am proud of you; pleased to know you and claim you as friends.
With all endings come new beginnings...some of us will begin new jobs; some will return to old jobs. Others will even go on to get more training. Some will go to their home communities, and some will find new places to call home. So here we are, preparing to be scattered abroad, and we take a look back at what has been and pronounce it good. Then we look to the future, full of uncertainties, remember our God, and step boldly forward.

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!

"O God of Second Chances and new Beginnings, here I am again." -Nancy Spiegelberg

This song is my heart cry right now. It's a wonder that God doesn't get tired of picking us up and dusting us off.